Word to the Wise
Friday, August 13, 2010 - Friday in the Nineteenth Week in Ordinary Time
[Ezekiel 16:59-63 and Matthew 19:3-12]Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator "made them male and female" and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?" So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.
As I write this reflection, I am visiting in the home of a couple whose wedding I celebrated in 1984 in Arizona. I have kept in touch with them and I baptized their three children, the youngest of which is now an undergraduate student. Last night, the brother of the wife came over with his wife and children (one just graduated from college and the other in college). I also celebrated that marriage in 1985 in Virginia where they were living at the time. These marriages have endured well. But not all the marriages I have witnessed have had that same longevity and happiness and ended in divorce for various reasons. The vision of marriage that Jesus preaches seems to be one of most difficult challenges of our time. I see how difficult it is not only in listening to those whose weddings I have celebrated, but also in the matrimonial tribunal work that I do from time to time. I come away from that work depressed by all the sorrow I read and praying hard for couples like the ones I mentioned above. There is a website called THE NATIONAL MARRIAGE PROJECT, operated out of Rutgers University (not a church school), that gives a lot of data in an annual report entitled, "The State of Our Unions." The statistics are depressing. About half or more of the marriages being celebrated will end in divorce. The Catholic statistic is pretty close to the national one. The data also indicate that popular myths like living together to see if there is compatibility are actually counter-indicative to success in marriage. The same is true for sex before marriage!! The only statistic this report indicates about success in marriage is age! Marrying between the ages of 23 and 25 seems to be the best time. Below that, divorce is very high. Above that age, there is no statistical difference. Despite the heroic efforts of pre-marital programs like Engaged Encounter or Sponsor Couples, I am seeing comments in annulment proceedings like: "We went through all the preparations but we didn't take it very seriously!" Catholic tradition regards marriage as a sacrament, not a legal or personal convenience. The man and woman are ministering this sacrament to one another every day of their marriage, and not just at the time of the wedding! Both man and woman are human with all the challenges that go with being human. St. Thomas Aquinas teaches us that love is a matter of the will. Those couples whom I know who have been married a long time tell me that it is the determination "to make it work" that accounts for that longevity. Their religious faith is a motivating factor in that determination. I don't see how we can conclude that Jesus had to be wrong when he insisted on marriage in the way he does in the quote above. But, I am saddened by our inability as a society and as individuals to maintain a sacred commitment, creating a vast pastoral challenge. I do the best I can to challenge couples, whose weddings I will celebrate, to prepare well. Then I witness their weddings and begin to pray hard for them! AMEN
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