Word to the Wise
Friday, August 13, 2021 - Friday in the 19th Week in Ordinary Time
[Josh 24:1-13 and Matt 19:3-12]Some Pharisees approached Jesus, and tested him, saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?" He said in reply, "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate." [Matthew]
I always approach this encounter between Jesus and the Pharisees over the subject of marriage and divorce with fear and trembling! I have witnessed many marriage ceremonies over my 50+ years as a priest and some of these marriages have ended in divorce. I have also spent more than 20 years serving in diocesan matrimonial tribunal ministry, reading the stories of marriages in which it is clear the union should never have taken place to begin with. Marriage is one reality where so many factors - spiritual, emotional, physical, secular, etc. - are involved that it is difficult to say one thing that covers it all, except for what Jesus says in his initial reply to the Pharisees, quoted above.
Although I do not have as many weddings now as I used to, when I do have the privilege of helping a couple to prepare for this sacramental event, I try to follow the motto of a well-known product, "gentle but thorough." But the process of preparation is only as good as the couple are willing to open themselves to one another and to me. I liken the process to putting the two into a rowboat and handing each a paddle and pointing to the horizon as the point to row to and hoping that they will pull together toward the common destination. Storms, leaky boats, extra passengers (the children, etc.), fatigue, pirates - you name it - can hinder the journey. It is only if both parties are willing to pull together that the journey is possible at all.
At the end of today's passage, Jesus appears to recognize the difficulty when he says, "Not all can accept this word, but only those to whom that is granted...." If a couple can prepare well and recognize the sacredness of their commitment, the odds are favorable for a lifetime union. But they still have to row (and grow) together. Pope Francis urges us all to accompany married couples who are experiencing difficulties. The same thing can be said of a marriage as has been said about raising a child: "It takes a village." AMEN